Folks! Friends! Fellow humans living on this nice crispy earth!
The year is 2023. The global is warming, the 1 are %ing and things are looking iffy… Enter the Soft Apocalypse! It’s time for us to give capitalism the finger, and return to our humble roots as a pastoral society that bakes bread and sings Kumbaya way too often. AKA my escapist daydream when the Stresses of Life get a bit too much (my Soft Apocalypse plan includes joining a commune and ✨eating fairy apples then falling asleep in a mushroom circle just to see what happens✨).
Welcome to Soft Apocalypse for Beginners, where we will be embarking on a journey of Learning to Look After Ourselves Even if the World is Ending (and saving the bees while we’re at it)!
It’s all for one and one for all in the Soft Apocalypse, and that includes looking after some of the smaller critters with which we share this lovely world. The best part? You don’t have to wait until the End of Days to do it! You can be nice to animals now – I KNOW, it’s REVOLUTIONARY (all jokes aside, be decent to the critters or I’ll find you and it will not be nice). So today we’re going to be checking out how to make homemade bird-feeders, and a few other easy peasy things you can do to help out the animals in your neighbourhood!
Pinecone Bird-Feeder
- What you need: A pinecone (it’s in the title really), peanut butter, string, birdseed.
- What you do: Tie the string to the pinecone, leaving enough of a tail on the string that you’ll be able to attach it to a tree, beam, or hook outside. Smother the pinecone in peanut butter, then roll it in birdseed until it has a good thick coating. Attach the pinecone to a tree (or similar) outside using the string, and perhaps brew yourself some tea to sip while you watch your new birdie besties enjoy their aerial picnic.
Orange Macramé Bird-Feeder
For the bougie birds at home.
- What you need: A large orange, string, birdseed.
- What you do: Cut the orange in half and scoop out the insides (eat this. for strength.). Make your little macramé net by knotting together eight strands of twine/string. Make sure the strands are the same length (about the length of the average arm). Knot the eight strands together, then separate into four pairs. Tie another knot in each of these pairs, about an inch away from the bottom knot. Next, separate the pairs of string into new pairs, with each string pairing up with it’s neighbour (not the one it was knotted with). Tie another knot in these new pairs, again about an inch away from the precious knot. You should now have a nice little string cradle (congrats you made something)! Pop your empty half orange into the cradle so it sits like a bowl, fill with bird seed, and hey presto! (You can also use the remaining string to attach your new birdfeeder to a tree branch outside, but pretend I didn’t say that because I wanted to end on “hey presto”.)
If you’re feeling more minimalist, feel free to go feed those bad boys some birdseed all by your lonesome (after all, the real bird-feeder was the hands we made along the way), or for bonus points, complete your Birbie Dreamhouse Ensemble with a DIY bird bath or house!
