It’s a beautiful day, the sun is shining, the birds are chirping, and you’re inside because the sun is scary. You’re in the library peacefully searching for your next read. You’ve managed to break your phone’s hold over your mind, banishing it into some far away dark place, somewhere where it can’t hurt you any more. All thoughts of tockticking, of metubing, of teetering, of bookfacing, all gone, freeing your brain to be a real human being. But then you see something that chills you to the very bone. It’s following you. Even the library, this sacred place of safety and education can not protect you. There is no escape. Sometime, somehow the internet has invaded the hallowed ground and seeped into the books and mind of the public.
So let’s explore this eldritch abomination and see how exactly the dreaded s̵̙̝̥͓͊̋̿ȏ̴̲͚̺̻̊͝c̸̭̟͖̩̑̈́i̸̗͒̐͝͠ȧ̴̱̘̙̜̽ĺ̴̠̟̗̋͗̆ ̶̙̙̊̓̚m̶̰̱̌ẻ̸̹͇̥̈d̶̻͗̊́̕į̷͕̠̟̈́͊̌́a̷͙͂͛ has amalgamated into book form.
Become a _____ Pro!
Welcome to the section I like to call “people who have no authority to tell you how to be good at thing tells you how to be good at thing.” So! Do you want the hundred percent accurate works every time definitely no trust me way to becoming an instant success on any particular social media? Yes? Well sucks to suck, you better spin that roulette wheel and pray to be lucky, because there is no sure fire way. That doesn’t stop these books from being published, and by your favourite social media sensation: random non-fiction author! Now to be fair these guides are probably at least somewhat useful to the inspiring instagrammer or tiktoker, but it’s funny when these books are called “expert’s guide” and then written by a no-name. For my fine selection I have been diligent in having approximately one guide for each format, but be assured there are many many more. Of particular note are the “For Dummies” books, which has a wide selection of internet based guides, which should be a laugh seeing these ridiculous things explained so blandly.
“This series offers a shortcut to instant expertise! Quick Expert’s Guides are aimed at teens and ‘tweens who are keen to know more about a popular topic, but who may be put off by the idea of having to read wordy or technical guides. Each title includes features that break down technical/scientific/complex aspects of the subject, inspirational case studies, activities and a final project to test the reader’s new skills. Chapter round-ups also offer tips on key words and phrases, as well as boosting self-esteem and confidence, in order to walk the walk and talk the talk of a true expert. Become a successful YouTuber! From setting up your account to creating a viral video, we show you how to master this popular platform and have your creative output seen around the globe!” (Catalogue)
“If you haven’t joined the social media revolution yet, don’t fret: There’s still time! But with so much out there, where to start? Something more than a text message, something less than a phone call… Not engaging in these new types of online social messaging could mean you are missing out on the action.” (Catalogue)
“This is the ultimate guide to TikTok, just #foryou! Packed with profiles, quizzes, fill-in fun and loads of top tips for creating your own videos” (Catalogue)
“This proven bestseller is fully updated and better than ever!Now in its fourth edition, Blogging For Dummies is fully updated and more practical than ever for today’s bloggers. Whether you’re just beginning or are already a full-tilt blogging maven, you’ll find the up-to-date information you need in these friendly pages. Want to integrate your blog with social media? Jump into the fast-moving world of microblogging on Twitter or Tumblr? Choose which blogging software to use? Optimize your current blog for search? This detailed book guide covers it all, and then some. Buy the book, build a better blog, and blog about it!” (Catalogue)
“Tweet your company to the top of the market with a tailored approach to Twitter. This book is the best business leader’s guide to Twitter, with the most up to date information on trends in social media, branding, and competitive research. Readers will learn that viral content doesn’t happen by accident, why videos and photos are crucial to engagement, and how to measure the success of a Twitter strategy using specific and accurate metrics. This new edition contains brand new case studies, user profiles, features, and images, helping readers create a stronger overall Twitter strategy whether they’re already engaged or just wondering if Twitter’s important for their business future. ” (Adapted from Catalogue)
“Gain Instagram followers, grow your personal brand, and influence others with your authentic personality, beautiful photography, and stunningly curated grid. Instagram is the place where trends break, tastes are made, and brands are launched. Plus it’s packed with insightful analytics and handy business tools to help you elevate your social media presence to the next level. Create, connect with others, and share the way you see the world! InstaStyle is a must-have guide for a booming industry, full of beautiful imagery and easily understood guides to help you achieve your Instagram goals. ” (Adapted from Catalogue)
“Want to make your own podcast but don’t know where to start? Think you could be the next podcaster to get millions of downloads? This book is packed with practical tips on how to make your own podcast, from planning and preparing to actually recording, editing and launching your work. It even offers advice on the next step – vodcasting! Success stories of how famous podcasters made their mark on the industry are sure to motivate you. Go on, be a media genius!. Ages 9+” (Catalogue)
I’m Popular Online, Surely That Means I’m Destined to Write a Book, Right?
Now for the feast of this blog post, books written by ï̸̦̱n̶̗͙̥̈́̂f̵͔̈̊͐̾ͅl̶͍͛͂̆u̶̧̹̻͌͆͘͠ȅ̶̥n̵̗̝̓̀̇c̷̡̺̝͊e̴̪̼̮̜͐͠r̶̦̯̠̍s̴̙̃͒. For some reason, whenever anyone becomes famous, they all suddenly realise they dream of being authors. Could it be because it’s a relatively easy way to make money off their fame? No surely not. It’s just one of those things. That’s not to say these do not have literary merit, but it is a funny thing to point out. One of my favourites is the TikTok cookbook, the thing that set me on this journey to explore the corruption of our grand institution. It’s just fun to see such a modern and ephemeral thing locked down into print form. But it makes perfect sense, TikTok is full of food videos (or so I hear, of course, you wouldn’t see me dead on TikTok (I watch it all on Youtube Shorts, like a dork)). Most of these are memoir style, gods among mere mortals stepping down from their ivory thrones to tell you how to live. Others however mimic their content, such as Thug Notes or DanTDM’s book.
“Featuring both viral and brand-new recipes from many of the community’s most beloved TikTok food creators, find tried-and-tested #simplerecipes for the hottest dishes, from THE FLUFFIEST #cloudbread to THE MOST DELICIOUS #fetapasta recipe to THE BEST #bakedoats. Published in partnership with TikTok, a curated list of 45 TikTok Creators (based on highest trending food content and largest platforms) contributed recipes and food hacks to this unique cookbook as well as ‘remember that?!?’ food-adjacent content.” (Adapted from Catalogue)
“My name is Joel Mawhinney, though I go by the name Joel M. You might know me from TikTok as @joelmagician.” (Catalogue)
“From one of the leading Fortnite players in the world comes your game plan for outclassing the rest at playing video games. This complete compendium includes everything Tyler “Ninja” Blevins wishes he had known before he got serious about gaming. Video games come and go, but Ninja’s lessons are timeless. Pay attention to them and you’ll find that you’re never really starting over when the next big game launches. Who knows– you may even beat him one day. As he says, that’s up to you.” (Catalogue)
Thug notes : a street-smart guide to classic literature / Sweets, Sparky
“Remember your high school and college literature classes. Not really? Too boring? Well, why did literature have to be analyzed so blandly? Professors are clearly intelligent, but sometimes literature needs to be translated, especially classic works, to speak to today’s audiences. Enter the one and only Sparky Sweets, PhD. Based on the hit YouTube series, Thug Notes: The Book will celebrate the most widely read (and widely assigned) works of literature. Each title will get the classic Thug Notes treatment: razor-sharp analysis, hilarious summary, and eye-catching illustrations. Readers of all stripes will be eager to see their favorite books like never before”– Provided by publisher.” (Adapted from Catalogue)
“An unconventional, irreverent, yet heartfelt memoir by Ryan Higa, one of the top creators on YouTube.”– Provided by publisher.” (Catalogue)
“Like any shy teen turned young adult, YouTube star James Rallison is used to being on the outside looking in. He wasn’t partying in high school or winning football games like his older brother. Instead, he posted comics on the Internet. Now, he’s ready to share his hard-earned advice. In this illustrated collection, Rallison tells his own stories of growing up as the “odd one out”: in art class with his twin sister (she was more talented) and what it was like in the middle scholl locker room, all the way up to one strange year of college. Filled with fan-favorite comics and never-before-seen material, this tongue-in-cheek take on some of the weirdest, funniest parts of life is perfect for anyone who’s also felt like an odd one.”–Back cover.” (Catalogue)
“The sequel to the New York Times bestselling The Odd 1s Out, with all new and never-before-seen content featuring opinions, stories, and signature characters from YouTube phenomenon James Rallison. James Rallison has always felt like he was on the outside looking in. His YouTube videos are all about his “odd” behavior, and with over 13 million subscribers and millions more followers on social media, these animations have found their way into the hearts of fans who also feel like a bit of an odd one”– Provided by publisher.” (Catalogue)
“YouTube sensations Dan Howell (danisnotonfire) and Phil Lester (AmazingPhil) were just two awkward guys who shared their lives on the Internet…until now. Dan Howell and Phil Lester, avoiders of human contact and direct sunlight, actually went outside. Traveling around the world on tour, they have collected hundreds of exclusive, intimate, and funny photos, as well as revealing and candid side notes, to show the behind-the-scenes story of their adventure.”– From publisher.” (Catalogue)
“The Try Guys deliver their first book-an inspirational self-improvement guide that teaches you that the path to success is littered with humiliating detours, embarrassing mistakes, and unexpected failures. To be our best selves, we must become secure in our insecurities. In The Hidden Power of F*cking Up, The Try Guys reveal their philosophy of trying: how to fully embrace fear, foolishness, and embarrassment in an effort to understand how we all get paralyzed by a fear of failure. They’ll share how four shy, nerdy kids have dealt with their most poignant life struggles by attacking them head-on and reveal their – ahem – sure-fail strategies for achieving success. Through their insightful, emotional journeys and surprising, hilarious anecdotes, they’ll help you overcome your own self-doubt to become the best, most f*cked up version of yourself you can be!” (Adapted from Catalogue)
“From the mind of one of the most popular YouTubers of all time, DanTDM, comes a graphic novel adventure that reimagines the Minecraft-style worlds and characters he’s created like you’ve never seen them before.”–Publisher.” (Adapted from Catalogue)
Fin…
Or is it!?
