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Tag: relationships

Soft Apocalypse for Beginners: It’s the [Fri]End Times

Folks! Friends! Fellow humans living on this nice crispy earth!

The year is 2023. The global is warming, the 1 are %ing and things are looking iffy… Enter the Soft Apocalypse! It’s time for us to give capitalism the finger, and return to our humble roots as a pastoral society that bakes bread and sings Kumbaya way too often. AKA my escapist daydream when the Stresses of Life get a bit too much (my Soft Apocalypse plan includes joining a commune and ✨becoming one with the wilderness while I process seeing the Eras Tour movie✨).

Welcome to Soft Apocalypse for Beginners, where we will be embarking on a journey of Learning to Look After Ourselves Even if the World is Ending (and saving the bees while we’re at it)!

It’s the [Fri]End Times and you’re only as strong as your commune, so today is a crash course in Having Healthy Friendships by me (a certified Friend who receives an enormous amount of trickle-down therapy through Pinterest).

Friendships can sometimes be more complicated to manage than romantic relationships simply because we live in a romance-obsessed society, and so we’re constantly being bombarded with advice, dos/don’t-dos, and narratives that are tuned towards maintaining or ending romantic relationships. While some of these lessons are applicable to our friendships too, we often fall down because we just don’t think about having to apply them. But unhealthy friendships and poor boundaries with your platonic pals can be just as damaging as the worst romantic relationship.

So here I am with your annual reminder that the ancient Greeks had eight words for love (including words specifically for the love and connection between friends), and it’s time we all invested a little more into looking after our friendships.


via GIPHY


One Flag, Two Flag, Red Flag, [Green] Flag

It’s 2023 and red/green flags aren’t just for romantic relationships any more. While it’s great to DIY the flag identification in your relationships, sometimes the best thing to do is to consult the impartial judge of a healthy relationship checklist. This can be especially helpful if you’ve experienced gaslighting in the past and want the validation of an unbiased outside source.

Some examples of red flags could look like:

  • Your friend putting you down, hurting your feelings, or causing you deliberate discomfort
  • Feeling drained after every interaction with them
  • Nagging or pressuring you into something you’re not comfortable with
  • Their friendship and support are conditional

Good vibey green flags might look like:

  • Sharing positive, uplifting experiences together
  • You both have lives and relationships outside of your friendship
  • They celebrate your wins rather than getting jealous
  • You feel comfortable expressing boundaries with one another

Check out some more great friendship checklists here and here!

In Our Boundaries Era

I’ve spent the last couple of years getting into my boundaries era – and ngl it absolutely slaps. Having better boundaries has been insanely helpful with improving my relationships with family, friends, partners, myself, my finances, my phone… Anything you can think of, I’ve slapped a boundary on it. And don’t get me wrong, it can be hard and embarrassing and make you say “ew ew ew” while doing an uncomfortable dance and crying alone in your room. But it’s been completely worth it. Boundaries are a vital form of self-care, and anyone who tells you that it’s selfish to protect yourself is a Bit of a Twerp. Because here’s the thing – anybody who loves you, respects you, and is worth any of your time will be proud of you for looking out for yourself.

As we’ve established, I am not a therapist, I am just a vibey lady who likes boundaries and Taylor Swift. So instead of walking you through the boundary setting process, allow me to direct you to:

Go forth! Block that person, mute that channel, set that bedtime, tell your overbearing auntie that you don’t like it when she pinches your cheek! I believe in you <3

And I extra believe in your ability to forgive me for that YouTube clip <3

Friendship is a Two-Way Street (and other things the Muppets might have said)

Do I need to say more than that heading? Friendship is a two-way street – not only do you have to make sure the friends in your life are right for you, but it’s your responsibility to make sure you’re being a good friend to others. Now, this doesn’t mean sacrificing yourself or your needs to make them happy (boundaries, remember?). But it does mean that it takes two to platonic tango.

Is your friend always the one making plans, taking cute candids of you, and generally romanticising the world into a nicer place for the two of you to be? The emotional labour is very real, so it’s always worth a check-in to make sure you’re contributing equally to the relationship. If you feel like maybe you’re getting your affection wires crossed (not an innuendo), maybe take a love languages quiz and see if there are better ways for you to make each other feel cared about.

Do it for the found family trope. And make some friendship bracelets while you’re at it.


Squad / Tokuda-Hall, Maggie
“Becca moves to an upscale Silicon Valley suburb and is surprised when she develops a bond with girls who belong to the popular clique – and even more surprised when she learns their secrets”– Provided by publisher.” (Catalogue)

We used to be friends : a novel / Spalding, Amy
“At the start of their senior year in high school, James (a girl with a boy’s name) and Kat are inseparable, but by graduation, they’re no longer friends. James prepares to head off to college as she reflects on the dissolution of her friendship with Kat while, in alternating chapters, Kat thinks about being newly in love and having a future that feels wide open”– Provided by publisher.” (Catalogue)


The Ivies / Donne, Alexa
“The Ivies, five prep school elites who would kill to get into the colleges of their dreams, has a showdown after Liv gets into Harvard and queen bee Avery does not.” (Catalogue)

How to break up with your friends : finding meaning, connection, and boundaries in modern friendships / Falconer, Erin
“With clear-eyed guidance, you’ll learn how to take stock of those currently in your life, see exactly how you are serving each other, deepen your essential friendships, and, ultimately, have the courageous conversations needed when it’s time to “break up” with others.”– Provided by publisher.” (Adapted from Catalogue)

The kid table / Seigel, Andrea
“Explores the quirky dynamics in an extended family full of close-knit cousins who both help and hinder each other as they celebrate holidays and momentous occasions together.” (Catalogue)


Elles 2 : The Elle-Verse / Toussaint, Kid
“Elle is just another teenage girl… most of the time. Bubbly and good-natured, she wastes no time making friends on her first day at her new school. But Elle has a secret: she hasn’t come alone. She’s brought with her a colorful mix of personalities, which come out when she least expects it… Who is Elle, really? And will her new friends stand by her when they find out the truth?” (Adapted from Catalogue)

The do-over / Painter, Lynn
“Sixteen-year-old Emilie, stuck in a cosmic Groundhog/Valentine’s Day nightmare where she discovers her family is splitting up and her boyfriend is cheating on her, decides to embark upon The Day of No Consequences, but when her repetitive day suddenly ends, she must face the consequences of her actions.” (Catalogue)

The Raven Boys / Stiefvater, Maggie
“Though she is from a family of clairvoyants, Blue Sargent’s only gift seems to be that she makes other people’s talents stronger, and when she meets Gansey, one of the Raven Boys from the expensive Aglionby Academy, she discovers that he has talents of his own–and that together their talents are a dangerous mix.” (Catalogue)

Three sides of a heart : stories about love triangles
“These top YA authors tackle the much-debated trope of the love triangle, and the result is sixteen fresh, diverse, and romantic short stories you don t want to miss. A teen girl who offers kissing lessons. Zombies in the Civil War South. The girl next door, the boy who loves her, and the girl who loves them both. Vampires at a boarding school. Three teens fighting monsters in an abandoned video rental store.” (Adapted from Catalogue)


What is consent, why is it important, and other big questions / Spilsbury, Louise
“”A detailed look at the concept of consent, how it works, and why it matters. The book encourages children to think about what consent means to them, and about the importance of personal boundaries – both knowing your own, and respecting other people’s. It talks about how to say no, and what to do if you feel your consent has been violated.” (Adapted from Catalogue)


The teenage guide to friends / Morgan, Nicola
“A comprehensive guide to teenage friendships, by award-winning author and well-being expert Nicola Morgan […] Contents include a section on making friends, keeping friendships strong, and what happens when they break down – as well as a look at online friendships, cyber-bullying, toxic friendships and frenemies, and empathy.” (Adapted from Catalogue)

From India to Poland, to Strange New Worlds and Back Home Again: New YA Titles in the Collection

Let’s face it, there’s nothing like a new book.  That shiny new cover, those crisp pages, they’re wonderful.  Or maybe you’re just looking for something new and interesting that you haven’t come across before.  Well, we got you, have a look at this selection of new YA titles in our collection…

The karma map : a novel / Sharma, Nisha
“Born and raised in the US, Tara Bajaj hides her family secrets. With beautiful clothes, a popular social media presence, and a spot on the Rutgers High Bollywood dance team, she does it well–until her carefully cultivated image shatters. Silas D’Souza-Gupta is an aspiring photojournalist retracing the journey his two mothers took when they fell in love. As Tara and Silas embark on remote pilgrimage sites from Punjab through the Himalayas, they discover what it means to be a child in the Indian diaspora, the significance of karma, and the healing power of love.” (Adapted from Catalogue)

Nightbirds / Armstrong, Kate J
“The Nightbirds are Simta’s best kept secret. Magic–especially the magic of women–is outlawed and the city’s religious sects would see them burned if discovered. But protected by the Great Houses, the Nightbirds are safe well-guarded treasures. As this Season’s Nightbirds, Matilde, Aesa, and Sayer spend their nights bestowing their unique brands of magic to well-paying clients. They know their lives as Nightbirds aren’t just temporary, but a complete lie and yearn for something more. When they discover that there are other girls like them and that their magic is more than they were ever told, they see the carefully crafted Nightbird system for what it is: a way to keep them in their place, first as daughters and then as wives. Now they must make a choice–to stay in their gilded cage or to remake the city that put them there in the first place.” (Adapted from Catalogue)

The stranded / Daniels, Sarah
“Welcome to the Arcadia. Once a luxurious cruise ship, it became a refugee camp after being driven from Europe by an apocalyptic war. For forty years, residents of the Arcadia have been prohibited from making landfall. Esther is a loyal citizen, working flat-out to have the rare chance to live a normal life as a medic on dry land. Nik is a rebel, planning something big to liberate the Arcadia once and for all. When events throw them both together, their lives, and the lives of everyone on the ship, will change forever.” (Adapted from Catalogue)

Protest! : shaping Aotearoa / Hager, Mandy
“A look at protest in New Zealand: what was it about, who did it and were they successful? Starting with Hone Heke and encompassing Parehaka to the land march, votes for women and the nuclear test ban. Culminating in the climate change marches. Mandy Hager looks at the background, the structure of the protest and how it affected attitudes. Includes a brief look at the Pacific Islands claims for independence.” (Adapted from Catalogue)

A tale of two princes / Geron, Eric
“Edward Dinnissen leads a charmed life. He’s the Crown Prince of Canada, gets the royal treatment at his exclusive private school, and resides in a ritzy mansion. But this closeted Crown Prince has just one tiny problem: he’s unsure how to tell his parents, his beloved country, and his adoring fans that he’s gay. Billy Boone should be happy with the simple life. His family’s ranch is his favorite place in the world, he loves his small town, and his boyfriend is the cutest guy at Little Timber High. So why does it feel like something’s still missing? When Edward and Billy meet by chance in New York City, they discover that they are long-lost twins, and their lives are forever changed.” (Adapted from Catalogue)

Project Nought / Furedi, Chelsey
“Ren Mittal’s last memory in the year 1996 is getting on a bus to visit his mystery pen pal Georgia. When he wakes up in 2122, he thinks he might be hallucinating… he’s not! Tech conglomerate Chronotech sponsors a time-travel program to help students in 2122 learn what history was really like…from real-life subjects who’ve been transported into the future… and Ren is one of them. On top of it all, he learns that his memory will be wiped of all things 2122 before he’s sent back to the ’90s.  And when he crosses paths with the absolute last person he expected to see in the future, he has a bigger problem on his hands: What if Chronotech isn’t the benevolent organization they claim to be, and he and his fellow subjects are in great danger?” (Adapted from Catalogue)

Spice road / Ibrahim, Maiya
“In the hidden desert city of Qalia, there is secret spice magic that awakens the affinities of those who drink the misra tea. Sixteen-year-old Imani has the affinity for iron and is able to wield a dagger like no other warrior. Her reputation has been overshadowed, however, by her brother, who tarnished the family name after it was revealed that he was stealing his nation’s coveted spice–a telltale sign of magical obsession. Soon after that, he disappeared, believed to have died beyond the Forbidden Wastes. Accompanied by other Shields, including Taha, a powerful beastseer who can control the minds of falcons, she sets out on her mission. Imani will soon find that many secrets lie beyond the Forbidden Wastes–and in her own heart–but will she find her brother?” (Adapted from Catalogue)

The awesome autistic guide for trans teens / Purkis, Yenn
“Calling all awesome autistic trans teens! Yenn Purkis and Sam Rose want you to live your best authentic life – and this handy book will show you how! With helpful explanations, tips and activities, plus examples of famous trans and gender divergent people on the autism spectrum, this user-friendly guide will help you to navigate the world as an awesome autistic trans teen. Covering a huge range of topics including coming out, masking, different gender identities, changing your name, common issues trans and gender divergent people face and ways to help overcome them, building a sense of pride and much, much more, it will empower you to value yourself and thrive exactly as you are.” (Catalogue)

28 days : a novel of resistance in the Warsaw Ghetto / Safier, David
“In Warsaw, Poland, in 1942, Mira faces impossible decisions after learning that the Warsaw ghetto is to be “liquidated,” but a group of young people are planning an uprising against their Nazi captors. Sixteen-year old Mira smuggles food into the Ghetto to keep herself and her family alive. When she discovers that the entire Ghetto is to be “liquidated”–killed or “resettled” to concentration camps–she desperately tries to find a way to save her family. She meets a group of young people who are planning the unthinkable: an uprising against the occupying forces. Mira joins the resistance fighters who, with minimal supplies and weapons, end up holding out for twenty-eight days, longer than anyone had thought possible.” (Adapted from Catalogue)

Six times we almost kissed (and one time we did) / Sharpe, Tess
“Six fun facts about PENNY and TATE: 1. They’ve known each other their whole lives; 2. Their moms are best friends; 3. They are DEFINITELY NOT friends; 4. They keep almost kissing; 5. They don’t talk about it; 6. Thanks to their moms, they’re moving in together … But when an almost-kiss goes from almost to I am now wearing your lip gloss, Penny and Tate have no choice but to finally face the music … right?” (Adapted from Catalogue)

She is a haunting / Tran, Trang Thanh
“When Jade Nguyen arrives in Vietnam to visit her estranged father, she has one goal: survive five weeks pretending to be a happy family in the French colonial house Ba is restoring. She’s always lied to fit in, so if she’s straight enough, Vietnamese enough, American enough, she can get out with the college money he promised. But the house has other plans. Night after night, Jade wakes up paralyzed. The walls exude a thrumming sound while bugs leave their legs and feelers in places they don’t belong. She finds curious traces of her ancestors in the gardens they once tended. And at night Jade can’t ignore the ghost of the beautiful bride who leaves cryptic warnings: Don’t eat. Neither Ba nor her sweet sister, Lily, believe anything strange is happening. With help from a delinquent girl, Jade tries to expose the house’s rotten appetite. A home, after all, is only as powerful as those who breathe new life into its bones. And this one is determined never to be abandoned again…” (Catalogue)

For more new books in the collection, go to: What’s new & Popular / April 2023 (wcl.govt.nz)

Tricky Topics: A literary guide for when you’re scared to Google

The release of season three of Sex Education on Netflix is the perfect opportunity to introduce some of the more educationally risqué books in our collection. While the fabulously jumpsuited Dr. Jean Milburn is an absolute trove of knowledge, unfortunately we can’t go to her with all our own nitty-gritty queries. Thankfully, we do have our local libraries! So, in place of the good Doctor, let’s get into some of the enlightening tomes we have on offer:

Looking for something specific? Want to know more but afraid to ask? Check out more topics and how to find them in the library using the Dewey Decimal System:

As librarians, we’re here to help, not judge. Always feel free to ask for more information at your local library. And if you’re worried about yourself or someone in your life, the best thing you can do is talk to somebody about it.

  • Lifeline Helpline Call 0800 LIFELINE (0800 543 354) or send a text to HELP (4357) for free, confidential support – 24 hours a day, 7 days a week.
  • 0800WHATSUP a free nationwide young people’s helpline available 7 days a week, 11am – 11pm. You can also chat with them online from 11am – 10:30pm every day.


Sex : an uncensored introduction / Hasler, Nikol
“Sex: An Uncensored Introduction provides honest, in-depth information about sex, sexual orientation, masturbation, foreplay, birth control options, and protection against disease. This revised and updated edition includes updated information about everything from STIs to new sex-related legislation as well as brand new sections on sexting, online dating and safety, and sex-related bullying of all kinds […]” (Catalogue)

The pride guide : a guide to sexual and social health for LGBTQ youth / Langford, Jo
“Jo Langford offers a complete guide to sexual and social development, safety, and health for LGBTQ youth and those who love and support them. Written from a practical perspective, the author explores the realities of teen sexuality, particularly that of trans teens, and provides guidance and understanding for parents and kids alike.” (Catalogue)

Vagina : a re-education / Enright, Lynn
“For centuries, the vagina has been made mysterious, neglected, mutilated or mocked, and as a consequence few people know much about it. In Vagina: A Re-Education, acclaimed journalist Lynn Enright charts the story of this crucial organ, encompassing fertility and hormones, pain and arousal, sex education and more.” (Catalogue)

Let’s talk about it : the teen’s guide to sex, relationships, and being a human / Moen, Erika
“A graphic novel about sex, sexuality, gender, body, consent, and many other topics for teens”– Provided by publisher.” (Catalogue)

Doing it! : let’s talk about sex / Witton, Hannah
“Sexting. Virginity. Consent. The Big O … Let’s face it, doing it can be tricksy. I don’t know anyone (including myself) who has sex all figured out. So I’ve written a book full of honest, hilarious (and sometimes awkward) anecdotes, confessions and revelations. […] We talk about doing it safely. Doing it joyfully. Doing it when you’re ready. Not doing it. Basically, doing it the way you want, when you want. So. Let’s do this … “–Publisher information.” (Adapted from Catalogue)

The hormone diaries : the bloody truth about our periods / Witton, Hannah
” […] From first periods to first coils, pimples to hot-water bottles and PCOS to endometriosis, The Hormone Diaries is your essential companion on the hormone rollercoaster. Filled with Hannah’s insights, fascinating research and those priceless crowdsourced stories, it’s the reassuring hug we all need. At least 50 per cent of the world has to deal with this stuff – it’s time we started talking about it.” (Adapted from Catalogue)

Self-care down there : from menstrual cups and moisturizers to body positivity and Brazilian wax, a guide to your vagina’s well-being / Bhandal, Taq Kaur
“Get the lowdown on how to take care of your nether regions with this fun and frank guide focused on helping you maintain your private parts. Covering everything from everyday cleanliness to internal and external safe health advice as well as tips regarding the groom-or-not-to-groom debate and sex-friendly good habits to practice, Self-Care Down There will help you keep your private parts in tip-top shape while expressing the true you! […] “– Provided by publisher.” (Adapted from Catalogue)

They/them/their : a guide to nonbinary and genderqueer identities / Young, Eris
“Showing what life is like as a nonbinary or genderqueer person, this book explores relationships, mental and physical health, language use and identity and appearance, providing advice for nonbinary people and how friends and family can support them.”– Publisher’s description.” (Catalogue)

Written on the body : letters from trans and non-binary survivors of sexual assault and domestic violence
“Written by and for trans and non-binary survivors of domestic violence and sexual assault, Written on the Body offers support, guidance and hope for those who struggle to find safety at home, in the body, and other unwelcoming places. This collection of letters written to body parts weaves together narratives of gender, identity, and abuse. It is the coming together of those who have been fragmented and often met with disbelief. The book holds the concerns and truths that many trans people share while offering space for dialogue and reclamation. Written with intelligence and intimacy, this book is for those who have found power in re-shaping their bodies, families, and lives.” (Catalogue)

Boys & sex : young men on hookups, love, porn, consent, and navigating the new masculinity / Orenstein, Peggy
“[…] Today’s young men are subject to the same cultural forces as their female peers. They are steeped in the distorted media images and binary stereotypes of female sexiness and toxic masculinity which shape how they, too, navigate sexual and emotional relationships […] Orenstein takes an unprecedented look at the myriad factors that are shaping boys’ ideas of sex, girls, and masculinity […]”– Provided by publisher.” (Adapted from Catalogue)

Vagina problems : endometriosis, painful sex, and other taboo topics / Parker, Lara
“[…] Less than a year before, [Lara Parker] received not only the diagnosis of endometriosis, but also a diagnosis of pelvic floor dysfunction, vulvodynia, vaginismus, and vulvar vestibulitis. Combined, these debilitating conditions have wreaked havoc on her life, causing excruciating pain throughout her body since she was fourteen years old […] With candid revelations about her vaginal physical therapy, dating as a straight woman without penetrative sex, coping with painful seizures while at the office, diet and wardrobe malfunctions when your vagina hurts all the time, and the depression and anxiety of feeling unloved, Lara tackles it all […]”– Provided by publisher.” (Adapted from Catalogue)