The art of giving and receiving feedback

“You shouldn’t wear stripes dear.  That top makes you look like a little barrel”. 

So said one colleague to another in a former workplace. 

In a similar exchange (same workplace),  I was taken aside by a kindly co-worker who advised me that my chosen shade of lipstick was “too bright”.

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We’ve all had it at some point.  The “helpful”, unasked for, feedback someone feels obliged to give and which often catches us off-guard and leaves us feeling personally attacked.

The usual response to such “advice” is either stunned silence at the audacity/inappropriateness of the feedback giver or more often, a curt variation of  “If I want your opinion I’ll ask”.

In the above examples, whilst most likely well meant, the delivery of said feedback was not tactful, expected and ultimately not good for workplace relationships.

Alternatively, what about when you have received a glowing compliment only to shrug it off with an “Aww shucks, it was nothing” attitude when in fact you had worked darned hard to deliver?

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Giving – and receiving – feedback is a necessary part of communication in the workplace.  Effective feedback should encourage, train and guide us even if it challenges us.  Delivery, however, no matter the direction – upwards, downwards or sideways to a hoamahi (colleague) – requires a degree of tact, sensitivity or emotional intelligence.  

Unfortunately, when badly delivered, feedback can damage workplace relationships as it is perceived as threatening and the receiver can become defensive or even hostile.

Whether you are a manager of people, a co-worker or employee, learning how to deliver and accept feedback is a skill that can be developed with a little effort and awareness.

To assist this week’s blog features a compilation of resources for different workplace scenarios, all offering tips and guidance on how to improve your acceptance and delivery of feedback. 

First though, what is feedback?
This Hotjar blog sums it up nicely :

Employee feedback is any information exchanged by employees (formally or informally) regarding their performance, skills, or ability to work within a team. Both supervisors and peers may deliver feedback, and when done tactfully, the process can create a stronger, more harmonious workplace.

Positive and negative feedback is important because it helps break bad habits, reinforces positive behavior, and enables teams to work more effectively toward their goals.  

Why is it important to give feedback?  Research presented in this article discusses why employees want feedback and ways to make it constructive.

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How do you find ways to give feedback without offending?  
Approach everyone you give feedback to as if they are an iceberg, as there is more below the surface when you deliver structured feedback.

Striking the right balance when giving feedback is a fine line.  This Inc. article outlines words to use to make feedback more effective for the recipient while this article outlines the ABC Feedback Formula for those who find the giving of feedback a scary proposition.  However the skill is in not softening the feedback to a point where the message is lost on those to whom it is being given.

It is generally assumed that feedback should be given verbally, in person.  A recent HBR article presents a case for the times it is more appropriate to give feedback in writing.  The authors state :

Consider what works best for the context, audience, and goals of your specific situation. Spoken and written feedback are both necessary, and each has their time and place.

If you are sensitive to criticism, having your work practices or behaviours critiqued will not be easy.  This article suggests three things to do the next time you get criticism that stings while this one offers some tips to help you take feedback the right way.  This article explains how to tell whether the criticism is fair or unfair, before offering tips on handling criticism with good grace, and making it work for you.  

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It ‘s not just the giving and receiving of negative feedback that matters.  There’s a skill to providing and accepting positive feedback as this TED talk discusses.

As a leader,  do you compliment your team when they do something well?  Or even your team mates?  Praise can be a big motivator and an important leadership practice.  

As an employee you may be put in the position of passing feedback upwards.  It’s sometimes hard (and scary) to give feedback to your boss.  The advice in this article is to first develop a relationship with the manager, and as a manager, when feedback is offered, accept it graciously.

Remember though, there’s a difference between validation and feedback.  Sometimes feedback is requested when what is wanted is validation of behaviours rather than a critique.  If you find yourself faced with that situation there’s some advice to be found here

What if your manager or workplace just doesn’t do feedback?  Some companies, particularly if they are small, don’t prioritise performance appraisals.   That makes it difficult to track how you are performing.

In a recent Podcast from the Harvard Business Review team  “… an expert on interpersonal communication and organizational behavior, shares creative ways to draw out people’s perceptions of your performance and potential. She also offers advice on how to make sense of the feedback you do receive”.  


Recognising the contribution of average workers isn’t just good for these employees – it’s vital for employers. Keeping middle-of-the-pack employees engaged and on board literally keeps companies in business, since these workers keep day-to-day operations smooth. 

Amongst the Wellington City Library resources you will find this short film on the Kanopy platform – Work Place Excellence: Recognition & Feedback
Included in the the topics covered in this short video are how to :
* Give immediate recognition and feedback, 
* Be constructive with feedback,
* Implement feedback tools
* 360 degree feedback.

You will also find Linked In Learning has a range of video courses on feedback. You need to be a registered library user, then enter your library card and password and then search “feedback”.

As for that colleague (or family member) who offers you unsolicited feedback of a personal nature,  try this recommendation :

Simply smile, tell the person you appreciate them caring enough to give you that advice, and say that you’re not looking for advice on that topic at this time. And then smile again. Smiling softens most messages. Say nothing more. Most people will stop talking. What else is there to say?

If you want more, or different resources have a look at these ones :

Giving feedback : expert solutions to everyday challenges
“Good feedback is essential to helping employees perform better at work. It lets people know when they are meeting or exceeding expectations, and when they need to get back on the right track. This practical guide shows managers how to develop and refine this necessary skill.” (Catalogue)

 

 

Coaching and feedback for performance
“Why is coaching skill the hallmark of good management? Managers who provide consistent, constructive feedback run more efficient departments, equip their employees to become leaders, and gain the support they need for their efforts. Proficient managerial coaching aligns employees with company strategy, so that day-to-day activities ……” (Catalogue)

 

Thanks for the feedback : the science and art of receiving feedback well : (even when it is off base, unfair, poorly delivered, and frankly, you’re not in the mood) / Stone, Douglas
“The authors of the classic ‘Difficult Conversations’ teach you how to take criticism productively in this book. Receiving feedback is an important skill, and the rewards for learning well are substantial. But feedback can be painful, sometimes brutally so. This title takes an honest look at why feedback feels so hard, and gives readers the framework and tools needed to metabolize challenging information and use it to fuel real change.” (Catalogue) 
Also available on EAudiobook Borrowbox

If you need more information please contact the Prosearch team at the library.  We can help you find information across a range of perspectives and resources.  All enquiries are treated in confidence.