News Blog @ Wellington City Libraries

In June learn about your genie within, the conscious pursuit of personal growth, or find some answers to everyday questions about relationships.  We also have a couple of new picks particularly for those amongst us who are worrywarts or anxious to please.

The genie within : your subconscious mind : how it works and how to use it / Harry W. Carpenter.
“You have a genie that will grant your wishes. But, your genie will not grant wishes simply by rubbing a lamp or uncorking a magical bottle. The genie is your subconscious mind, and you must know how it works and how to use it before it will be your powerful servant. This book is your instruction manual. The Genie Within is not “feel-good” stories and “have-faith” platitudes. This book explains in layman terms how to use your magnificent, powerful subconscious mind. It explains how your subconscious mind works, the laws it obeys, and ten proven methods for using it easily and effortlessly. Once you have this information, you can use your genie to achieve goals, be more creative, change undesirable traits, and improve your health.”
(Book cover)

The worrywart’s companion : twenty-one ways to soothe yourself and worry smart / Beverly Potter.
“Do you lie awake at night agonizing over things that could happen? Do you automatically expect the worst? Have you worried obsessively about things only to have everything turn out okay? Instead of worrying yourself sick, let The Worrywort’s Companion show you how to worry smart and soothe yourself so that you can think more clearly, deal with the worry at hand, and then let it go. With the tips in this book you will be able to release yourself from worry and learn to enjoy every moment – no matter where your life takes you.” (Book cover)

Anxious to please : 7 revolutionary practices for the chronically nice / James Rapson & Craig English.
“Do you (or does someone you know) apologize frequently or for things you are not responsible for? Get preoccupied with what other people think of you? Become unhappy when your partner isn’t happy? Feel worried or fretful so often it seems normal? Often not know what you want? Constantly second-guess yourself? Chronic Niceness affects multitudes, causing severe anxiety and depression, crippling self-esteem, and undermining and destroying relationships. Anxious to Please reveals the primary psychological cause of Chronic Niceness – Anxious Attachment. Anxious Attachment drives the Nice Person to accommodate, acquiesce and avoid conflict. Nice People take what they’re given rather than asking for what they want, often sacrificing relationship, careers and their own integrity. Anxious to Please presents seven powerful practices designed to bring about: resilient self-esteem; a happier and calmer emotional life; a reality-based optimism for the future; fulfilling sex; and satisfying relationships.” (Book cover)

Answers to everyday questions about relationships : when to stay, when to go and how to make it work / Jo Lamble.
“Jo Lamble, Australia’s leading relationships expert, knows the answers to all the questions you’ve been dying to ask. For nearly twenty years she has helped singletons, those in the first flush of love and long-time couples negotiate the thorny territory of dating, love and splitting up. This pragmatic guide reveals how to strengthen and enrich your relationship and how to tell if it’s time to let it go. Jo quashes myths about commitment, infidelity and sex and tells you the early warning signs of trouble to watch out for – and she answers real questions from real people, showing you how to make bad relationships better and good relationships great.” (Book cover)

Personal development for smart people : the conscious pursuit of personal growth / Steve Pavlina.
“Despite promises of “fast and easy” results from slick marketers, real personal growth is neither fast nor easy. The truth is that hard work, courage, and self-discipline are required to achieve meaningful results – results that aren’t attained by those who cling to the fantasy of achievement without effort. Personal Development for Smart People reveals the unvarnished truth about what it takes to consciously grow as a human being. As you read, you’ll learn the seven universal principles behind all successful growth efforts (truth, love, power, oneness, authority, courage, and intelligence), as well as practical insightful methods for improving your health, relationships, career, finances, and more. With its refreshingly honest yet highly motivating style, this fascinating book will help you courageously explore, creatively express, and consciously embrace your extraordinary human journey.” (Book cover)

Think about a different angle this month with new books about how economic theory can help your relationship, understanding how today’s 20-somethings are approaching becoming adults, exploring child-free living, uncovering how people become the best in their field, and discovering how the philosophy of Viktor Fankl can help us find meaning in our lives today.

Prisoners of our thoughts : Viktor Frankl’s principles for discovering meaning in life and work / Alex Pattakos
“World-renowned psychiatrist Viktor Frankl’s Man’s Search for Meaning is one of the most important books of modern times. Frankl’s personal story of finding a reason to live amidst the horrors of the Nazi concentration camps has inspired millions. In Prisoners of Our Thoughts, Dr. Alex Pattakos – whom Frankl urged to write this book – elaborates seven “core principles” based on Frankl’s philosophy and demonstrates how they can help us find meaning in our everyday lives and work. This second edition features new stories and examples of people who have applied the principles in the book or who exemplify them; new practical exercises and applications; and a new chapter, “The Meaning Difference“,” which summarizes research demonstrating the critical role of meaning in improving the quality of people’s lives, increasing happiness, promoting health and wellness, and achieving their highest potential.” (Book cover)

Not quite adults : why 20-somethings are choosing a slower path to adulthood, and why it’s good for everyone / Richard Settersten and Barbara E. Ray
“Why are 20-somethings delaying adulthood? The media have flooded us with negative headlines about this generation, from their sense of entitlement to their immaturity. Drawing on almost a decade of cutting-edge research and nearly five hundred interviews with young people, Richard Settersten, Ph.D., and Barbara E. Ray shatter these stereotypes, revealing an unexpected truth: a slower path to adulthood is good for all of us. Not Quite Adults is a fascinating look at an often misunderstood generation. It’s a must-read for parents, teachers, psychologists, sociologists, and anyone interested in today’s youth culture.” (Book cover)

Spousonomics : using economics to master love, marriage and dirty dishes / Paula Szuchman and Jenny Anderson
“Relationships are complicated, and they don’t come with a user’s manual. Until now. Enter “Spousonomics” – a fun, original relationship guide which offers a brilliant, fresh twist to standard advice by showing how economics – that’s right, economics – is the key to happiness. For example…Comparative advantage – or why you should do the dishes. Splitting chores 50/50 is the surest path to inefficiency. Stick to what you’re good at, and ‘trade’ relations will improve dramatically; The Laws of Supply and Demand – or how to kick-start your sex life. If having sex carries too many costs – too much time or energy – you won’t do it enough. Lower your costs to get the bed springs bouncing again!; and, Moral hazard – or why your marriage is not too big to fail. If you’re too forgiving there’s a good chance your partner will feel that he or she can operate without consequences. Beware! Brilliantly researched and cutting through the noise of emotion and tired cliches, “Spousonomics” offers sound, practical advice that will help you to get your relationship back on track – and maximize returns on the biggest investment of your life.”  (Book cover)

Complete without kids : an insider’s guide to childfree living by choice or by chance / Ellen L. Walker
In Complete Without Kids, Licensed Clinical Psychologist Ellen L. Walker examines the often-ignored question of what it means to be childfree, by choice or by circumstance, in a family-focused society. Recognizing that there is no one childfree adult, the author guides the reader through the positive and negative aspects of childfree living, taking into consideration the different issues faced by men or women, couples or singles, whether gay or straight. As a woman who is childfree by choice, Walker draws upon her personal experience while also offering the reader numerous interviews with other childfree adults, revealing behind-the-scenes factors that influenced their personal journeys. She approaches the tough-decision making process of whether or not to have children from a biological, historical, and societal perspective. Offering support, guidance, and thought-provoking questions, Complete Without Kids is a productive guide for any reader considering the childfree path.” (Book cover)

Bounce : how champions are made / Matthew Syed
“Just what does it take to become the very best?  Matthew Syed uncovers the ‘hidden logic of success’ behind the careers or world-beaters from David Beckham and Serena Williams to Mozart and Picasso.  Looking at the latest in sports science, neuroscience, psychology and economics, Matthew reveals the idea of Godgiven talent to be a myth, and that the key to achieving greatness lies in hard work, and the right attitude and training.  Along the way Matthew explains how memory and inspiration prime our brains for success, why top sportsmen are able to see and perceive faster than the rest of us, and how genes are starting to matter – but not in the way you might think.”  (Book cover)

In March, learn how to unify how you act with how you speak by mastering body language, embrace failure and learn from it, use mindfulness and meditation to live well with pain and illness, delve into the weird and wonderful world of dating, and understand how attachment styles can impact on relationships – whether you’re in one already or looking for one.

Attached : the new science of adult attachment and how it can help you find- and keep -love / Amir Levine and Rachel Heller.
“According to psychiatrist and neuroscientist Levine and social psychologist Heller, one’s adult romantic partnerships have patterns similar to those one has as a child with one’s parents. Our individual attachment styles are thus, they conclude, hardwired into our brains. Focusing on three main attachment styles (secure, anxious, and avoidant), the authors explain the biological facts behind our relationship needs, teach readers how to identify their own and loved ones’ attachment styles, and warn of the emotional price of connecting with someone with drastically different intimacy needs. Teaching readers communication skills to breach these differences, the authors stress that people have very different capacities for intimacy, and that partners must ensure each other’s emotional well-being. Chock-full of tips, questionnaires, and case studies, this is a solidly researched and intriguing approach to the perennial trials of “looking for love in all the right places.” (from Syndetics)

Living well with pain & illness : the mindful way to free yourself from suffering / Vidyamala Burch.
“After two spinal injuries, Vidyamala Burch found herself facing the loneliness of disability and chronic pain with few skills or resources to turn to. But instead of giving up, she set out on a mission to embrace her physical and emotional challenges with awareness, compassion, and peace. Drawing on the wisdom of a dozen years teaching meditation and a lifetime studying the benefits of mindful living, Vidyamala shows us a five-step model of mindfulness and how to use it to foster stress reduction and healing; the Breathworks approach to meditation and how to apply it to health concerns such as migraines, arthritis, and chronic fatigue; and step-by-step techniques and case studies that demonstrate how to effectively bring mindfulness into daily life.” (Book jacket)

Failure is an option : how setbacks breed success / Terry Robson.
“Everybody has experienced failure at some stage – and we will no doubt experience it again, perhaps many times. The question is: does failure get the credit it deserves? In this inspiring and practical book, Terry Robson reveals how success cannot be achieved without a willingness to embrace failure – and shows us the opportunity that failure presents us to reflect and reassess. He delves into the notion of failure from philosophical, psychological and spiritual perspectives, and provides the tools we need to not only cope with failure, but also to learn from it.” (Book jacket)

What your body says (and how to master the message) : inspire, influence, build trust, and create lasting business relationships / Sharon Sayler ;
“What Your Body Says gives you the straight-up’ “how-to” on unifying what you say with what you do, allowing you to better connect with other people and reach your full leadership potential. It gives you a clear and simple process to follow, all drawn from an intense study of how language impacts people’s lives and emotions. Filled with useful tools, strategies, and techniques, this book gives you the key to speak intelligently while looking smart, engaging and real; deliver unpleasant messages without pain or guilt; having a committee meeting and getting something done; and more.” (from Syndetics)

The science of single : one woman’s grand experiment in modern dating, creating chemistry, and finding love / Rachel Machacek.
“With warmth, insight, and a terrific sense of humour, Rachel Machacek tackles the world of dating with a journalist’s eye and a scientist’s curiosity. She committed a year of her dating life to trying every mainstream (and no-so-mainstream) method of meeting potential mates, from singles events and dating coaches, to speed dating and online personals. After each trial, she weighed the pros and cons. As a result, Rachel met men. Lots of men. And although she started the experiment with hopes of finding the right one, what she learns and share in the process is unexpected, heartwarming, and infinitely more exciting.” (Book jacket)

This month we feature books to help you bounce back from life’s speed bumps, use affirmations, control stress and learn how to observe the myriad of thoughts that can hold us back.  And with Valentines Day over for another year, we’ve also included a straight-talking guide to that most wonderful and, at times perplexing, aspect of love.

No matter what! : 9 steps to living the life you want / Lisa Nichols.
“From bestselling author and motivational speaker Lisa Nichols comes a unique and powerful inspirational program that will both move you and empower you to realize your dreams. Millions are trying to live by The Secret’s Law of Attraction, but the truth is it won’t work unless you flex your all-important “bounce-back” muscles, which give you the ability to successfully navigate life’s speed bumps. In this powerful guide Lisa introduces her dynamic plan, shares her own remarkable story, and prescribes specific exercises and action steps to inspire readers to learn from their past and move toward a courageous future.”  (based on Global Books in Print description)

Experience your good now! : learning to use affirmations / Louise L. Hay.
“In this delightful book, Louise L. Hay discusses the power and importance of affirmations and shows you how to apply them right now! Louise explains that when you state an affirmation, you’re really saying to your subconscious mind: ‘I am taking responsibility. I am aware that there is something I can do to change.’ Within these pages, Louise discusses specific topics and concerns (health, fearful emotions, addictions, prosperity issues, love and intimacy, and more) and presents exercises that show you how to make beneficial changes to virtually every area of your life.” (from Syndetics summary)

No more silly love songs : a realist’s guide to romance / Anouchka Grose.
“A love song may sum up your romantic dilemma, but does it really offer any practical help? This straight-talking, sympathetic book sifts through the combined wisdom of philosophers and poets, scientists and shrinks to bring you some serious solutions to the conundrums of love.” (Book cover)

Control stress : stop worrying and feel good now! / Paul McKenna ; edited by Michael Neill.
“Would you like to be able to relax and keep your edge? Would you like to feel in control of your life? Would you like to take the pressure off and feel good? Then this amazing new book and hypnosis CD is for you! Based on over twenty years of research, this book contains cutting edge psychological techniques that will automatically create feelings of calm alertness for you to access whenever you choose. You will learn how to transform your life from a place of peace, freedom from worry and inner strength. The book also comes with a hypnosis CD that will help you to re-programme your mind to control stress, build up your inner strength and bring more joy, power and happiness to everything you do. The book and CD work together as a complete breakthrough system – the totally natural way to improve your overall quality of life.”  (Global Books in Print)

Leave your mind behind : the everyday practice of finding stillness amid rushing thoughts / Matthew McKay and Catharine Sutker.
“We typically have little control over our thoughts, but we often invest them with a lot of authority-even when they contradict what our experiences tell us to be true. But often we take thoughts like “I’ll never get a better job”, “I’m boring”, or “No one loves me” literally and let them trick us into avoiding the lives we really want to live. This book offers a collection of light-hearted practices readers can use to learn to observe their thoughts without getting caught up in them.  These activities don’t seek to stop or control problematic thinking. Instead, they work to show readers how to observe thoughts without judgment and learn to live with the confounding and marvellous word-making, story-telling machine that is the human mind.”  (from Syndetics summary)

The previous personal development “recent pick” can be found here

Author Sian Beilock looks at why top athletes and business people fail to live up to their potential. In a list of the top “chokers” the All Blacks have topped his list! Not a great accolade but Choke: what the secrets of the brain reveal about getting it right when you have to will show how to achieve when it matters most. Graham Henry’s copy is in the mail!

Some people have the knack of connecting with others no matter what circumstances they find themselves in. Leil Lowndes book How to instantly connect with anyone gives 96 communication techniques to improve this connection whether it is in a personal or professional situation.

Shyness of its self is not of concern unless it affects a person’s ability to establish relationships or causes avoidance of situations. The self-help book Improving social confidence and reducing shyness using compassion focused therapy by Lynne Henderson includes exercises and skills to reduce the effects of problematic shyness.

Read these books and others in this month’s Personal Development Recent Picks with topics including how to heal emotional wounds, the power of co-incidence and the creative spirit.

50-ish author Andee Jones decided to look for love via the world of on-line dating and her book Kissing frogs: a psychologist goes looking for love on-line—and finds trouble is the result. She comes to realises that dating in this on-line world has many of the same pitfalls as traditional ways of looking for love. After four years of dating did she find the one? Read the book and find out.

What part of no don’t you understand? The power of no: take your life back with a two-letter word by Beth Wareham gives advice on how to say no without offending others.

The uses of sadness: why feeling sad is no reason not to be happy looks at what sadness is and is not. It differs from depression and may actually help to reflect on our lives. Author Karen Masman feels it is a “warning” that we need to re-evaluate where we are at and where we want to be.

Look at these titles and others in this month’s Personal Development Recent Picks with subjects including the five love languages, achieving goals and how to clear mental clutter.

59 seconds: think a little, change a lot – sounds too good to be true? Author and psychologist Richard Wiseman doesn’t think so. He feels that the current self-help industry is damaging and using a diverse range of scientific advice he shows that these techniques can easily be added to every day with positive results.

Award-winning journalist Daniel Coyle looks at up-to-date research about whether talent is inherent or achievable with old-fashioned hard work. The talent code: greatness isn’t born: it’s grown, here’s how shows how the wiring of our brain can be altered by the way specific tasks are approached. This will help towards realising a person’s potential.

Author Jane Isay’s Walking on eggshells: navigating the delicate relationship between adult children and their parents uses interviews from a wide range of families for her motivation and their experiences will resonate with other families. What-ever conflict is happening in a family this book will help to foster good relationships between the generations.

Read these books to get advice and look at others about shyness, intuition and finding love in this month’s Personal Development Recent Picks.

Coke or Pepsi? Save or spend? Stay or go? How do we make our choices? Do we look at all options or use the age old eenie, meenie, miny, mo. Making the wrong choice may be just a minor annoyance or have far-reaching consequences. Award-winning research by Sheena Iyengar has led her to write The art of choosing explaining the reasons behind our choices and how to avoid bad ones.

At fourteen Hannah Salwen had what she described as a “Eureka” moment when coming face-to-face with the disparity between rich and poor. As a family they decided to sell their large Atlanta house, downsize and give 50 percent of the sale price to a charity. The power of half: one family’s decision to stop taking and start giving back by Kevin & Hannah Salwen looks at their motivation and how it has changed their lives in very many ways.

Why are some people always late?  Why is a person on a good salary always asking for money? In Excuses begone!: how to change lifelong, self-defeating thinking habits Wayne Dyer explains how to alter these long held patterns. By removing excuses a person can look at the underlying causes and prevent stress for themselves and others around them.

Look at these enlightening books and others including recovering from sorrow, achieving goals, the power of happiness, and a revolutionary approach to dating in this month’s Personal Development Recent Picks.

Everyone has days where they feel jaded, lacklustre and just “not quite right” but when the feeling continues it can become a concern. Gary Bertwistle’s book Who stole my mojo?: how to get it back and live, work and play better looks at a practical and commonsense approach to this issue. Advice is given on aspects of diet, lifestyle, work, play and relationships as well as tips and tools from those who have successfully got through this. All this will help lead to getting your Mojo back.

In all aspects of life there can be personal or professional setbacks often not of a person’s choice. Some see it as a challenge but for others it can overwhelm and finding the solution is difficult. The flipside: finding the hidden opportunities in life by Adam J. Jackson looks at a different method of turning a negative situation to a positive one and this advice aligns with personal stories that will resonate with readers.

The happiness project: or why I spent a year trying to sing in the morning, clean my closets, fight right, read Aristotle and generally have more fun by Gretchen Rubin is a personal adventure inspired by an epiphany on a bus one wet day. She records her search for happiness looking at past wisdom, present science and popular culture. Is she happier? Read and find out.

Look into these books and others including advice and thoughts on difficult personalities, the philosophical baby, how to decide and the age of absurdity in this month’s Personal Development Recent Picks.

We all have people in our lives that we may prefer not to! Dump ‘em: how to break up with anyone from your best friend to your hairdresser by Jodyne L. Speyer is a practical guide written with frankness, empathy, and humour on how to say goodbye to a bad relationship. Personal stories and interviews from experts help to overcome the fear of confrontation and achieve a permanent parting.

Daniel H. Pink’s book Drive: the surprising truth about what motivates us will change how we think. Previously the mindset around motivation is that the best way to accomplish success is to link it with money, fame or fear – the carrot and stick approach. Pink though feels that the key is more an internal motivation that will ultimately achieve a higher level of success affecting all aspects of life.

Geoff Colvin has expanded his Fortune article entitled “What it takes to be great” and his book Talent is overrated: what really separates world-class from everybody else is the result. New evidence shows that practice and perseverance overtakes natural ability whether it is sport, business or academia. Practical advice covers negotiating, evaluating and a range of other skills.

Learn from these books and view other subjects including relationships, intimacy and self-esteem in this month’s Personal Development Recent Picks.